29 September 2008

Not Exactly Typical Chick Flick Type of Movie

There is a major element is missing from The Woman to make it the typical chick flick: cute boys. Seriously, I do not think we see a single male during The Women, till the end when one of the characters, Eddie (Debra Messing), pops out a baby boy.

The movie is what my husband calls the typical Lifetime movie, the male is painted as the reason for all the injustice in a female's life and is the "bad" guy throughout the movie. This is how many lifetime movies go, and this is how this movie is. We never see the males in this movie, but they are the constant topic of conversation throughout the whole thing. The movie starts off with a showing of high heels that are supposed to represent each character. After we get through this, we open up with Sylvie (Annette Benning) and her Hermes Birkin bag. Yeah, I lost track for a long, long, long, long time due to the fact she was toting around a Hermes Birkin bag. I lost track trying to pick out other things during the movie. However, the Birkin bag was the only purse I could pick out right off the bat. I didn't even need to see the Hermes logo on it to know what it was. Thus, I did not pay attention again, until the purse was gone. However, during this time I guess alot happened. Sylvie found out that the evil man in Mary's life (Meg Ryan with out of control hair!) was her husband and sleeping with the purfume spritzer girl downstairs at Saks. Also, we find out that Eddie has about A BILLION KIDS and is going to pop out another one at some point and that whatever Jada Pinket-Smith's character's name is, just happens to be a lesbian and currently going out (or dragging around) a super model who eats napkins. However, this all happens during the whole Hermes Purse Screen Time, thus I was staring at the purse and not paying attention.

Tragically, this purse went away and was never seen again. It was tragic, really. Anyways, the movie goes on, as Mary finds out on accident that her husband is cheating on her with the purfuem sales lady after her father fires her for having "lack of deisgn or something" from his fashion line. She has lunch with her mother (Candice Bergan) and her mother tells her to buck up and go to Maine and leave the dude for a few weeks on his own, he'll come running back. On the way to the air port, the "friend" all find out Mary all ready knows, and they all talk over one another about not being told.

Mary goes to Maine. Husband calls. Slyvie had issues with her publisher (boss) dude and how she is trying ot make her magazine something respectable that does not solely deal with super modles and clothes and sex and revenge. (she fails at all). Mary goes back home and goes to shop for underware at La Perla or something and runs into the hussy there, who is spending and ungodly amount of money on something that will live on the floor. They show off, and Mary walks off and announces she is getting a divorce.

And all hell breaks loose. Mary falls apart. Sylvie realizes she has to sell Mary out to keep her job (Mary is married to a banker who is famous?) Mary finds out that Sylvie did this, they stop talking. I get the feeling the other two ladies (Eddie and Jada Pinket Smith) have no real purpose other than to make noise at some point, as the movie seems to be just about Mary and Slyvie. Well, so Mary falls apart even more now and goes off to a yoga camp or something and does pot, which is not the actual point of the retreat, but she does pot and talks a lot. Sylvie tries to find Mary, but fails. However, Sylive finds Mary's 13 year old kids who is having major issues with the whole dirvoce thing, but no one seems to notice except Slyvie who says, "Call me. We'll talk."

While high on pot, Mary is told by some Hollywood agent who is there for unknown reasons, she needs to be selfish and figure out what SHE WANTS! SELF DISCOVERY TIME! WHOOO!

So, begin the photo montage and the transformation of Mary into a sexy ass older woman. She gets great clothes suddenly, straightens out her hair and decides to start her own fashion line, backed by her mother's trust fund or something. WHAM! MARY IS PUT BACK TOGETHER! And suddenly she notices her daughter is behaving oddly and burning tampons. Mary can't talk about that stuff with her kid, who announces she is going to call Sylvie because she can talk to Slyvie about that stuff. This, upsets Mary who runs off into New YOrk City and hunts Sylvie down.

Slyvie hunting leads to the realization that Sylvie has no job because she quit (she was becoming that sterotypical career woman and she could no longer stand it, so she will start her own magaizne because she used to be a high paid editor who never spent any money on Birkin bags). After fighting in the street (Slyvie throws a banana at Mary, yet the guy manning the cart doesn't seem to care), they start laughing and make up in that typical way that girls do when they are really friends. They start crying on some stairs and try to figure out how to move on. Mary says she missed Sylvie more than her husband and all is well in the world.

Mary's fashion show is a huge hit (it is all black, white and red....) and Saks wants a whole line and some coats for next spring. Mary panicks and we never get a straight answer out of her if she will do it or not. She wants a small line. Whatever. Eddie is going to pop out a baby in a room full of woman, so they have to get moving to the hosptial. Eddie ( who had a billion kids all ready) is very calm, while the other three all panic over and over and over. They reach the hospital, and more bonding enuses. Eddie pops out a boy and they all laugh, cry, and hug one another. The final scenes is they are all sitting on a roof top. Mary takes back her husband while Eddie pops out kid, Sylvie starts her own magainze about old woman, and Jada Pinket Smith publishes her book finally (she was a writer? Did I miss something? Was that established while the Birkin Bag was on the screen?) And I guess Eddie stops having babies because she and her husband (who she cheated on five years ago, but they got over it by having a billion babies!) said they'd stop once they had a boy and her husband has his male heir.

The end.
And only one Birkin Bag seen. Tragic. Also, I cannot seem to find a picture of said Birkin bag. *tear*

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