I think everyone has body issues. Its a fact of life. When I was a twig, I had body issues. I thought I had a tummy, my legs were fat, and my arms were saggy. I was 16 and thought I had fat legs since I was 10. Or younger. I cannot remember a times when I did not think my legs were fat.
My legs were never fat. Never. I was never fat. I just thought/think I am. Because I am surrounded by images of skinny people and in my warped head I think everyone looks better than me. I am not a size negative zero. And I never will be a size zero. Why? Well, for one, it wasn't healthy when I was a size zero (which confused me because size zero people don't have fat legs and tummy fat....)My doctor kept telling me I needed to eat more to put on more weight. I ate. I just never gained any weight because of the stress I was under. Since I stopped being stressed out on life, I've gained a ton of weight and am at a healthy weight level, which I am trying to maintain, but its hard because of my warped head and body image. I want to be that smaller size because that is what society tells me I should be. I should be skinny and have very long blonde hair.
I don't want to have blonde hair again. It did not work for me. And being skinny did not really work for me either, as after I began gaining some weight people told me A LOT that I looked SO MUCH BETTER.
"You no longer look like you might break," someone told me.
"Hey! You have curves!"
"You look good, what did you do?"
I gained fifteen pounds. I gained fifteen pounds and people suddenly started telling me I looked good. Go figure.
I don't think most people are fat. And if they are, it doesn't bother me because that is just how they are built. What matters to me is how they behave and treat me. I don't want to be treated like crap. I also don't really care what other people look like around me for the most part. I mean, I kinda get upset when people's clothes don't match....or they wear PJs in public all the time. (One or twice is okay, or if you're just running to the store, but when plaid PJ pants are your staple pant, I have issues, I'm sorry. Its just me. I'll still hang out with you, but I might tell you to buy some fleece pants or some solid colored warm up pants.) But other than the matching and plaid pjs buttons, I don't give a crap. I mostly care about myself because I am kind of self centered like that. If I look good in my head, then I don't care about much else going on around me.
I like seeing people of different weights on TV. It makes me happy to see non-skinny people on TV. I keep forgetting to watch "Mike & Molly," but I did stumble across this article that mentions the show.
I have never seen the show, but by the time I finished reading the article, my ears were burning. (They are burning right now as I type this...so I guess I am still mad.) For the life of me, I cannot think why Marie Claire would POST THIS. It is completely intensive and, well, gross.
Twitter is abuzz with information on the matter. Which was how I found out about it. I swear to god I saw the article in my google news feed and just ignored it because I thought the title of the article was...gross.
However, here is a good response that kind of sums up why I was so pissed off when I did finally read it this morning. It also helped me process my head to why my ears burned. When I get mad, I can't think straight so all I could think of was a string of curse words and well, I mostly thought this: (#&(@#&(#*$&(#$&((*@#(&@(#$&(#$^(*. I am serious, that was in my head.
Blarg. I hate society sometimes. The masses are sometimes kind of stupid. If we all looked the same, life would be a total bore. Being all sorts of sizes and colors allows us to be unique. I just wish the media/Hollywood/fashion would get that.
No comments:
Post a Comment