Last week, I spent the whole week on the couch. Not due to illness (though I did have issues breathing last week and bloody noses due to the overly dry air of winter in dirt hole), but because it was the final week that Stargate Atlantis would be an "on air" show. Sci Fi, in all its wonderful thinking, canceled the show with three episodes left in season five. This, it seems, caused some major issues in ending the show. I have a feeling the people who basically see $$$ when they look at TV shows, etc, thought, oh we have such success with putting SG-1 on DVD movie program, let's do it with Atlantis (Sci Fi also cancelled SG-1 in the middle of major plot going ons as well, but gave the show more notice about ending then Atlantis). So the poor writers, directors and producers had to scramble to come up with some way to END the show in basically two eps. Yeah, you try it and see how you fare.
They sunk. That is what they did, they sunk hard core to the bottom of the ocean above Atlantis, well once it took off in all its flying city glory for Earth to protect Earth from the SUPER WRAITH SHIP! OHNOZ!
Here is how the episode went:
La la la la la, we are the people of Atlantis! Oh, wait, here's Todd the Wraith with vital plot important information! Let's put him in a strange looking flight suit and stick him, not in a prison, but a conference room, because the last time we saw Todd he was trying to be a good Wraith and become a nice one that doesn't eat humans. Yet, that did not go too well for him, he almost died, and we let him go find some bug to cure him and figured he was dead. But, obviously, he's not dead as he's here with major plot information!
"Hi, Todd. You're not dead," says Col. Shepard, entering the room in his black version of what Todd's got on.
"I know, but don't I look horrid? That bug did wonders for my health, but it made me look terrible. Also, I guess it made me suck ass as a leader, as my first prime...I mean first commander totally stole my new crew and something vital to the plot from me."
"Wasn't he new too? The commander? As you sort of killed your whole crew?"
"No, you killed my crew."
"Oh yeah. So, what is this plot important information?"
"ZPMs, from the Replicators."
"Now, we did kill those guys dead. Sort of. Forget Elizabeth and her gang."
"Yeah, well, they left these three ZPMs behind. So I took them. I was totally going to give them to you."
"No you weren't. I know you, Todd. I named you!"
"True that. Anyways, so this guy stole one from me and used it to build...SUPER WRAITH SHIP OF DEATH!"
Shepard freaks out without actually freaking out. He tells he'll kill Todd dead if he is lying, and goes off to find the ship with his trusty mates Roan (resident badass), Rodney McKay (resident asshat) and Tayla (resident hot lady). They go off in a space ship and try to kill the SUPER WRAITH SHIP OF DEATH and they....FAIL!
Okay, so they failed. What else could go wrong?
"Uh, guys? Remember me? That ass hat doctor you thought might be a Goul'd and I totally hate you all out loud?"
"Yeah, what are you doing here?" Shepard asks. "And why did they give you wings and a flight suit? You are a freaking scientist?!"
"And you hate the military," McKay jealously points out.
The dude ignores them and goes on to tell them the following, "Uh, we're picking up this here message."
McKay looks and freaks out. Somehow there's a message from another space time! Its in Wraith and gives the coordinate for EARHT! OH NOZ! THE WORLD IS GONNA END BECAUSE SOME GUY SENT A MESSAGE INTO VARIOUS OTHER SPACE TIMES! If we only knew where it really came from (Las Vegas, mind you.)
Oh, that sucks. Let's send Shepard to Earth, away from his team, to fight along side Carter and that random major guy who popped up at random moments. Oh, and instead of some nice Shepard/McKay banter for the final round, let's have a touching moment between Carter and Shepard! Oh, btw, we moved the Ancient Chair to Area 51.
"Well it's lovely to see you, but I guess I'll go to Area 51 now."
"Nope, you can't," Carter said. "I think the Wraith ships are heading there."
"So the reason we took you away from your mates, is sort of going to blow up, so you'll have to go on a Kamikaze mission. Shepard is going to be dead soon. Enjoy life in the flying glider and your death mission to the SUPER WRAITH SHIP! okthxbia," says the major dude Paul Davis.
"Hey, why are you wearing your service dress for a war? Is it Monday?" Shepard asks.
"Why, yes, actually it is. This whole Wraith thing is very last minute, so I couldn't change into my war outfit," Davis explains.
"But I did," Carter chrips. "Let's do something productive than just stand here talking. Let's get some gliders in the air and blow stuff up."
Shepard likes this idea and gets his paws on a super nuke and takes off into his glider. How he knows to fly one is beyond me because in his past life as an AF pilot, he flew helicopters, not flighters, not planes, but helicopters. So, off goes the gliders and the SUPER WRAITH SHIP OF DEATH hides behind the moon or something.
Meanwhile, back on Atlantis....
Wait, did you say that the super wriath ship we failed to blow up on our first try took out our other space ships? Oh, woe, what are we to do now?
"Hey, do you know we're in a flying city?" Todd the Wraith asks.
"Why, Todd, yes we are. But we only have one super duper power cell," the Doctor, uh, I mean Woosley informs him.
"Didn't I tell you when I first got here that I had three?"
"Yes." long pause. "Oh yeah, I guess you brought those with you, didn't you?"
"Yeah, I did. Now, go and fly the city to save all those tasty humans!"
And off Atlantis goes. Now, Shepard is off saving Earth all by his lonesome, who is to fly the city?! Oh, Carson Beckett! That is right, he's got the gene strong enough to do it AND he is not dead. (He's a clone!) So, the good doctor flies the city into the night! Or day. (It is surprising he does manage to do this, as almost all other times Carson gets into the Chair something goes a miss (the first time he almost killed Shepard and O'Neil...)
However, the engine gives out and they are adrift (which is not Carson's fault, its an old city for crying out loud!) Until Zeleka has an idea!
"So, Rodney was working on this really crazy idea."
"We'll do it!" Woosley exclaims.
"Its about worm hole travel or something really, really complicated."
"I don't care, let's do it. Don't explain it to me, I've been a by the books yes man for most of my life. I have no idea what you're talking about half the time anyways."
"Okay, I'll just go do some really complicated math and we'll be there in a jiffy."
"Ah, good. I'm going to go talk to Todd."
And Atlantis travels into the worm hole or something. After this, they do something else find themselves face to face with the crazy SUPER WRAITH SHIP OF DEATH and figure out there's there is a Stargate on it, so they dial and go have an adventure.
"Now don't die Roan," Tayla says. "There are movies after this we must be in
."
"Got it. I'll just shoot my heart out," Roan says and then, oops, Roan dies.
"HEY! I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT!"
Dead Roan says nothing, he is just dead.
"OHMYGOD!" Rodney shouts. "I NEED TO BE AN ASSHAT TODAY!"
"Oh yeah, let's go allow you to be an asshat away from Roan, as he was killed dead."
And Tayla and McKay exit. Then some Random Wraith walks up and brings Roan back to life and shouted, "TELL ME WHERE THE OTHERS ARE! THEN I WILL EAT YOU!"
"You're super ship can't tell you?"
"No, that is a flaw in our super ship," Random Wraith admits. "BUT I KILL YOU DEAD!"
"But you just brought me back to life!"
"ROAN YOU"RE NOT KILLED DEAD!"
"WHAT? I WAS TRYING TO BE AN ASSHAT WHAT IS GOING ON?" McKay demands as Tayla and Lorne (who is replacing Shepard for this mission) shoot the Wairth all dead and pick up Roan.
"I can't die. I've got main character protection," Roan reminds Tayla.
"I know, but I thought maybe you didn't want to be in the movie. Let's get out of here Rodney. Fix the gate."
So they start off, dragging an alive Roan behind them. Rodney goes on trying to be the ass hat he is (while a man who has never seen the show announces several times, "God, that guy is such and ass.")
Meanwhile, back in the land of Kamazkie missions, the Wraith have blown up the Ancient Chair of Saving and now Shepard is going to fly his super nuke into the SUPER WRAITH SHIP OF DEATH and die along with it. So he goes and is in position and radios to someone he's ready to die and McKay freaks out. Then Shepard freaks out because he thinks that his mates are on Atlantis, not in this SUPER WRAITH SHIP OF DEATH. They began to bicker about what to do next.
"Hey, instead of fighting about setting the nuke off, let's go get Shepard, shoot some Wraith, get Rodney to fix the gate and then GO!" Lorne shouts.
This sounds good, so they meet Shepard, fight off some Wraith (oddly Lorne dose not die) and they gate off the WRAITH SHIP OF DEATH just before the nuke goes off and EXPLODES the SUPER WRAITH SHIP OF DEATH, which isn't that super. It went BOOM!
"Do you find it odd they only brought one ship?" Tayla asks as she dragged Roan around the alpha site.
"Yeah, but we've got those movies," Shepard reminds her.
"Yeah, maybe Jennifer will be in those more than she was in this finale episode," Rodney comments. "Hey, I wonder how she's doing on Atlantis?"
Meanwhile, back on Earth, Atlantis is crashing to the planet's surface as a huge fire ball (with Jennifer Keller on it, presumably).
"So, I guess I get to go to Earth, don't I?" Todd asks as things explode as the city falls to Earth.
"Yeah, I guess you do. But you won't get out to see the sites," Woosley says.
"I guess that is sort of tragic, but that is okay. I am going to go see Keller, as she has not been in the whole episode."
"Good idea."
City crashes down in ocean and floats into San Fransico harbor. Somehow (and for unknown reasons) the crew goes back to the city and Roan is sitting in a medical bed. This random girl (who is evidently the Amelia who explains what the gate is doing) comes in to talk to Roan. I have no clue why she gets to talk to Roan or why he seems friendly to her, as before now she just was the girl who said the gate was acting up. Anyways, she drags Roan to see the Golden Gate Bridge, and the people who saved Earth (except Lorne, but including Jennifer) get to stare at the bridge.
The End.
They sunk. That is what they did, they sunk hard core to the bottom of the ocean above Atlantis, well once it took off in all its flying city glory for Earth to protect Earth from the SUPER WRAITH SHIP! OHNOZ!
Here is how the episode went:
La la la la la, we are the people of Atlantis! Oh, wait, here's Todd the Wraith with vital plot important information! Let's put him in a strange looking flight suit and stick him, not in a prison, but a conference room, because the last time we saw Todd he was trying to be a good Wraith and become a nice one that doesn't eat humans. Yet, that did not go too well for him, he almost died, and we let him go find some bug to cure him and figured he was dead. But, obviously, he's not dead as he's here with major plot information!
"Hi, Todd. You're not dead," says Col. Shepard, entering the room in his black version of what Todd's got on.
"I know, but don't I look horrid? That bug did wonders for my health, but it made me look terrible. Also, I guess it made me suck ass as a leader, as my first prime...I mean first commander totally stole my new crew and something vital to the plot from me."
"Wasn't he new too? The commander? As you sort of killed your whole crew?"
"No, you killed my crew."
"Oh yeah. So, what is this plot important information?"
"ZPMs, from the Replicators."
"Now, we did kill those guys dead. Sort of. Forget Elizabeth and her gang."
"Yeah, well, they left these three ZPMs behind. So I took them. I was totally going to give them to you."
"No you weren't. I know you, Todd. I named you!"
"True that. Anyways, so this guy stole one from me and used it to build...SUPER WRAITH SHIP OF DEATH!"
Shepard freaks out without actually freaking out. He tells he'll kill Todd dead if he is lying, and goes off to find the ship with his trusty mates Roan (resident badass), Rodney McKay (resident asshat) and Tayla (resident hot lady). They go off in a space ship and try to kill the SUPER WRAITH SHIP OF DEATH and they....FAIL!
Okay, so they failed. What else could go wrong?
"Uh, guys? Remember me? That ass hat doctor you thought might be a Goul'd and I totally hate you all out loud?"
"Yeah, what are you doing here?" Shepard asks. "And why did they give you wings and a flight suit? You are a freaking scientist?!"
"And you hate the military," McKay jealously points out.
The dude ignores them and goes on to tell them the following, "Uh, we're picking up this here message."
McKay looks and freaks out. Somehow there's a message from another space time! Its in Wraith and gives the coordinate for EARHT! OH NOZ! THE WORLD IS GONNA END BECAUSE SOME GUY SENT A MESSAGE INTO VARIOUS OTHER SPACE TIMES! If we only knew where it really came from (Las Vegas, mind you.)
Oh, that sucks. Let's send Shepard to Earth, away from his team, to fight along side Carter and that random major guy who popped up at random moments. Oh, and instead of some nice Shepard/McKay banter for the final round, let's have a touching moment between Carter and Shepard! Oh, btw, we moved the Ancient Chair to Area 51.
"Well it's lovely to see you, but I guess I'll go to Area 51 now."
"Nope, you can't," Carter said. "I think the Wraith ships are heading there."
"So the reason we took you away from your mates, is sort of going to blow up, so you'll have to go on a Kamikaze mission. Shepard is going to be dead soon. Enjoy life in the flying glider and your death mission to the SUPER WRAITH SHIP! okthxbia," says the major dude Paul Davis.
"Hey, why are you wearing your service dress for a war? Is it Monday?" Shepard asks.
"Why, yes, actually it is. This whole Wraith thing is very last minute, so I couldn't change into my war outfit," Davis explains.
"But I did," Carter chrips. "Let's do something productive than just stand here talking. Let's get some gliders in the air and blow stuff up."
Shepard likes this idea and gets his paws on a super nuke and takes off into his glider. How he knows to fly one is beyond me because in his past life as an AF pilot, he flew helicopters, not flighters, not planes, but helicopters. So, off goes the gliders and the SUPER WRAITH SHIP OF DEATH hides behind the moon or something.
Meanwhile, back on Atlantis....
Wait, did you say that the super wriath ship we failed to blow up on our first try took out our other space ships? Oh, woe, what are we to do now?
"Hey, do you know we're in a flying city?" Todd the Wraith asks.
"Why, Todd, yes we are. But we only have one super duper power cell," the Doctor, uh, I mean Woosley informs him.
"Didn't I tell you when I first got here that I had three?"
"Yes." long pause. "Oh yeah, I guess you brought those with you, didn't you?"
"Yeah, I did. Now, go and fly the city to save all those tasty humans!"
And off Atlantis goes. Now, Shepard is off saving Earth all by his lonesome, who is to fly the city?! Oh, Carson Beckett! That is right, he's got the gene strong enough to do it AND he is not dead. (He's a clone!) So, the good doctor flies the city into the night! Or day. (It is surprising he does manage to do this, as almost all other times Carson gets into the Chair something goes a miss (the first time he almost killed Shepard and O'Neil...)
However, the engine gives out and they are adrift (which is not Carson's fault, its an old city for crying out loud!) Until Zeleka has an idea!
"So, Rodney was working on this really crazy idea."
"We'll do it!" Woosley exclaims.
"Its about worm hole travel or something really, really complicated."
"I don't care, let's do it. Don't explain it to me, I've been a by the books yes man for most of my life. I have no idea what you're talking about half the time anyways."
"Okay, I'll just go do some really complicated math and we'll be there in a jiffy."
"Ah, good. I'm going to go talk to Todd."
And Atlantis travels into the worm hole or something. After this, they do something else find themselves face to face with the crazy SUPER WRAITH SHIP OF DEATH and figure out there's there is a Stargate on it, so they dial and go have an adventure.
"Now don't die Roan," Tayla says. "There are movies after this we must be in
.""Got it. I'll just shoot my heart out," Roan says and then, oops, Roan dies.
"HEY! I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT!"
Dead Roan says nothing, he is just dead.
"OHMYGOD!" Rodney shouts. "I NEED TO BE AN ASSHAT TODAY!"
"Oh yeah, let's go allow you to be an asshat away from Roan, as he was killed dead."
And Tayla and McKay exit. Then some Random Wraith walks up and brings Roan back to life and shouted, "TELL ME WHERE THE OTHERS ARE! THEN I WILL EAT YOU!"
"You're super ship can't tell you?"
"No, that is a flaw in our super ship," Random Wraith admits. "BUT I KILL YOU DEAD!"
"But you just brought me back to life!"
"ROAN YOU"RE NOT KILLED DEAD!"
"WHAT? I WAS TRYING TO BE AN ASSHAT WHAT IS GOING ON?" McKay demands as Tayla and Lorne (who is replacing Shepard for this mission) shoot the Wairth all dead and pick up Roan.
"I can't die. I've got main character protection," Roan reminds Tayla.
"I know, but I thought maybe you didn't want to be in the movie. Let's get out of here Rodney. Fix the gate."
So they start off, dragging an alive Roan behind them. Rodney goes on trying to be the ass hat he is (while a man who has never seen the show announces several times, "God, that guy is such and ass.")
Meanwhile, back in the land of Kamazkie missions, the Wraith have blown up the Ancient Chair of Saving and now Shepard is going to fly his super nuke into the SUPER WRAITH SHIP OF DEATH and die along with it. So he goes and is in position and radios to someone he's ready to die and McKay freaks out. Then Shepard freaks out because he thinks that his mates are on Atlantis, not in this SUPER WRAITH SHIP OF DEATH. They began to bicker about what to do next.
"Hey, instead of fighting about setting the nuke off, let's go get Shepard, shoot some Wraith, get Rodney to fix the gate and then GO!" Lorne shouts.
This sounds good, so they meet Shepard, fight off some Wraith (oddly Lorne dose not die) and they gate off the WRAITH SHIP OF DEATH just before the nuke goes off and EXPLODES the SUPER WRAITH SHIP OF DEATH, which isn't that super. It went BOOM!
"Do you find it odd they only brought one ship?" Tayla asks as she dragged Roan around the alpha site.
"Yeah, but we've got those movies," Shepard reminds her.
"Yeah, maybe Jennifer will be in those more than she was in this finale episode," Rodney comments. "Hey, I wonder how she's doing on Atlantis?"
Meanwhile, back on Earth, Atlantis is crashing to the planet's surface as a huge fire ball (with Jennifer Keller on it, presumably).
"So, I guess I get to go to Earth, don't I?" Todd asks as things explode as the city falls to Earth.
"Yeah, I guess you do. But you won't get out to see the sites," Woosley says.
"I guess that is sort of tragic, but that is okay. I am going to go see Keller, as she has not been in the whole episode."
"Good idea."
City crashes down in ocean and floats into San Fransico harbor. Somehow (and for unknown reasons) the crew goes back to the city and Roan is sitting in a medical bed. This random girl (who is evidently the Amelia who explains what the gate is doing) comes in to talk to Roan. I have no clue why she gets to talk to Roan or why he seems friendly to her, as before now she just was the girl who said the gate was acting up. Anyways, she drags Roan to see the Golden Gate Bridge, and the people who saved Earth (except Lorne, but including Jennifer) get to stare at the bridge.
The End.
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